A GM Christmas Carol: The Ghost of Flint Brings Electric Cars

GM Vice Chairman Bob Lutz announced the company’s suggested holiday reading list, via the FastLane blog, and I’ll have to admit that while I found it fairly unusual for a car company (not an honorific title, yet) to issue reading recommendations, I found the idea quaint and refreshing.

I was quite eager to see what GM might come up with, since I’ve got a little extra time on my hands during the holidays, and I’m always looking for a good book.  My first thought was that GM would suggest some escapist fiction - Ray Bradbury, for instance.  But Something Wicked This Way Comes probably sounds a little daunting in these times.  GM, understandably, does not wish to frighten any more people away.

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It turns out that GM’s reading list is pretty much what you might expect to read if you were spending a lot of time in the company’s boardroom, so I suppose it is unreasonable to fault Lutz much.  The Chairman provided links to GM friendly articles in the The Washington Post, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal.

Again, I felt a little baited and switched by the blog post’s title, “Our Suggested Holiday Reading List,” but there is no doubt that GM is quite sincere about the recommendations.  And the articles did in fact, make some good points about what GM has tried to do to turn the company around.  But I would have been more impressed with a more humble suggested reading list — for instance, classics such as Hard Times and Great Expectations.

It being the holiday season and all, Charles Dickens‘ classic, A Christmas Carol, above all others, should not have been left off the list.  Perhaps some lesson could be learned from that dear story, a lesson for even a car company.  So in the spirit of the holiday season and of the great Charles Dickens, allow me an abbreviated retelling of the classic story, GM style.

A (GM) Christmas Carol:

External heat and cold had little influence on GM.  No warmth could warm him, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew was bitterer than he, no falling snow was more intent upon its purpose, no pelting rain less open to entreaty.  Foul weather didn’t know where to have him.  The heaviest rain, and snow, and hail, and sleet, could boast of the advantage over him in only one respect.  They often “came down” handsomely, and GM never did (most taken directly from the text of A Christmas Carol, except for the part about GM, of course).

Now, on Christmas Eve, GM was alone, having lost his only friend Flint years before.  GM went to his usual tavern in Detroit, but it was closed due to the failing economy.  So he found a cold, heartless place to get a drink and some sustenance, a placed owned by the federal government.  Then GM went home to his grand, palatial estate, with engraved wooden pillars and fine ornamental gems placed about in conspicuous places.  Inside, the home was dreary, though, and the floor creaked, and an incredible draft ripped through the place, a strong, cold wind.

As GM struggled to get warm and comfortable, what seemed to be a ghost began speaking to him.  GM didn’t believe in ghosts, but it was hard to disbelieve what he was seeing.  It was Flint, Michigan, in voice and image.  The ghost of Flint tried to reason with GM, and then warned GM of the coming of three spirits.  GM ignored his old friend Flint, and laid down for sleep.

The First Spirit

But GM had difficulty sleeping. Then, as the hour began to approach, the hour that Flint warned about, the bell in the clock began to toll.  GM covered his head with his pillow, but he couldn’t quiet the clock. And the spirit appeared at the very hour Flint had said it would.

“What do you want with me?” said GM angrily.

“I am the ghost of Christmas past,” said the spirit. “Drive with me.”

They climbed into an old EV1 electric car, and began to drive.

“But I thought we had crushed all of these cars,” said GM.

“So you did,” said the spirit, as they glided silently along, creating zero emissions.

Soon GM began to weep at the thought of the technology, once so promising, gone to waste.

The Second Spirit

GM thrashed in his bed, hoping the first spirit had all been a bad dream, when the second spirit appeared.

“What do you want with me?” said GM

“I’m the ghost of Christmas present,” said the spirit. “Drive with me.”

Soon they were driving along in a HUMMER.  And every other car that the passed was a HUMMER, as well. The clouds above were the darkness of night.  GM coughed, rolled the window up, and began to weep again.

The Third Spirit

“Oh no!” GM wailed. “No more, no more spirits.”

But another spirit soon appeared.  ”Oh don’t tell me who you are,” said GM.

“I am the ghost of Christmas future,” said the spirit.

GM covered his eyes and shook his head.  Soon they were off.

“Where are we going?” said GM.

“You will soon see,” said the spirit, as they climbed into a Chevy Volt.

“I’ve never ridden in one of these,” said GM.  ”I didn’t believe the day would come.”  They drove under sunny, blue skies, and the Volt was quiet and smooth. All of the other cars they passed were Volts, too. Soon they were in a long line, waiting.

“What are we waiting for?” said GM impatiently.  The spirit didn’t speak, but soon it was apparent.  The Volt in front of them rolled into a bay and was flattened to the thickness of a pancake.  ”No!” yelled GM, as he was pulled from the passenger seat. “No, no, no,” yelled GM.

GM awoke to find the bright sun shining in to his bedroom.  The draft was gone, the wood floors shone like mirrors.  GM turned on the massive LCD screen.  The bailout was real, according to MSNBC.  The company had another three months to correct its course.  GM jumped up, tossed the Wall Street Journal aside, and got to work.

Image Credits: pontiacunderground.com, Wikipedia

Sources: A Christmas Carol, GM FastLane Blog

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