Published on May 2nd, 2014 | by Christopher DeMorro
Tesla Accused Of Organized Crime, Anal Itching In Crazy Flyer
There are lot of Tesla detractors out there (mostly employed by car dealers), but the writer of this paranoia-filled flyer took it to the next level. Among the many baseless accusations leveled against Tesla Motors are incidents of “anal itching” caused by vibrating seats and collusion with organized crime.
That’s honestly just the tip of this paranoia-dipped letter that’s also been laced with delusion and served alongside a hearty helping of Bad English (my favorite language, personally). Tesla is the primary target of this ramblings, with the writer accusing Elon Musk of patenting murder machines and colluding with the U.S. government in a bid to spy on the world. But the letter also takes aim at Google, Sen. Dianne Feinstein, and those dastardly, exploding lithium-ion batteries.
It’s a real piece of work, this flyer, and apparently it’s being handed out to Google employees and Tesla owners alike in a bid to get them to return their electric cars and demand a refund. Don’t take my word for it though. Here are a few of the more damning quotes.
Tesla investors urged the Afghan invasion to get the lithium for the batteries in Tesla and the indium for Solynda and create a Silicon Valley VC Lithium monopoly to make a trillion $$ profit for themselves. So you are supporting a war if you drive a Tesla.
Tesla didn’t even exist when the U.S. invaded Afghanistan…
Tesla has multiple lawsuits currently filed against it for multiple deaths of bystanders, fraud. lemon law violations, and stock fraud. By diving a Tesla you are saying you have no morals.
Tesla’s patent filings and now disclosed, internal documents say their batteries can kill and damage yet they went forward in order to profit off of Lithium Ion ore.
You don’t say?
Google, the worlds largest surveillance company, is a silent partner in Tesla. Tesla audio and location tracking can be remotely monitored with two clicks of a mouse. Google hushes up bad news about Tesla. By driving a Tesla you are supporting spying.
Google and Tesla, partners in crime?
Relative to the nurrber of cars sold, why has Tesla had so many Tesla drunk driver related crashes, deaths and Why are Tesla drivers killing innocent pedestrians simply because the Tesla’s ‘smell bad’.? Psychographic, demographic and marketing studies have been published showing that Tesla drivers have a higher-than average inclination towards drugs, strange sexual behavior and risk. Could this account for the number of Tesla crashes and deaths? Read the detailed evidence in the many lawsuits filed.
The Tesla Model S, a modern day Pinto? Naturally though, I saved the best for last.
Over 150 defects and problems per model about the Tesla have been documented on user-forums and in the press including: ‘Doors lock you in and out Bad if car on fire!’; ‘George Clooney Rips Tesla: Why Am I Always Stuck On The Side Of The F’cklng Road?’; ‘Tesla ‘Satisfaction’ survey authored by it’s own investors/fanboys; ‘Tesla seat vibration causes Anal ltching!’; ‘VAMPIRE POWER DEFECT slams entire Tesla Model S fleet”; ‘Numerous defects documented by owners online.’
And there you have it folks. What more could I possibly add to this conversation? Not a whole lot, but if you’re so inclined, you can read the whole rambling mess for yourself.