Op-Ed: a Cadillac ELR Will Help You Get the Golden Girl of Your Dreams


Golden Girls Cadillac ELR

Cadillac is hoping that the upcoming ELR hybrid will help the brand finally shed its septuagenerian image and entice young, hip, brand-conscious buyers into its California showrooms and turn the tide against the import brands that hold the lion’s share of California’s luxury car market. There’s only one problem with that plan: this is a car specifically designed to appeal to aging baby-boomers.

I’m sure a lot of you will want me to be wrong about that. I get it. You like the car. You like that it’s a hybrid, and maybe you’ve even found a way to convince yourself that – like the Volt! – it’s really an electric car. It’s a coupe, and you think all coupes are sporty and fun. Besides, Jay Leno likes it, and you think Jay Leno is as cool as a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

If you believe that, you are seriously deluded. Here’s why.

Before we go much further, let me get one thing perfectly clear: the Cadillac ELR will sell. It is, in many ways, the perfect car for Cadillac’s traditional clientele who appreciate things like a smooth, quiet ride and living out their pension without too many of the economic hiccups associated with uncertain oil prices. It’s perfect for little old ladies who “only drive to Church on Sundays and to the Piggly Wiggly every other Thursday”, because they’ll rarely (if ever?) need to gas the thing up.

Besides that, those same little old ladies remember a time when Cadillac was the standard of the world – even if, by now, it was a little before their time. They believe coupes are sporty and fun, and not at all a massive pain-in-the-ass to cram kids, tools, and flat-packed house-y things to, because they haven’t had to worry about kids for decades, they call a handyman when something’s broken, and their house already has plenty of furniture. Oh, and it will only cost around $65,000, approximately the cost of weekly dialysis treatments.

You see what I’m getting at, right?

In case you’re dense, let me let you in on the Cadillac ELR’s dirty little secret. It is the PERFECT car to pick up a Golden Girl with. Maybe you like the trashy Southern one or the Easter European blonde one. Maybe you want to be dominated by the ex-marine who was called “over aggressive“. By the US Marines. In wartime.

Wherever your tastes regarding the AARP/GILF crowd conspire to take you, though, the Cadillac ELR will see that you get there with a 35 mile all-electric range that can be easily extended by the car’s 207 hp gasoline engine, which puts its power to the ground through a set of massive 20″ chrome wheels.

“Chrome is still cool, right?” asked the 80 year-old GM executive.

“It sure is, Mr. Lutz,” said the fashionable young designer who rode to work on a cut-down, cafe-racer style vintage Honda. “It sure is.”

Expect the 2014 Cadillac ELR to start clogging golf club parking lots sometime later this year/early 2014, and let us know which sexy, sexy retiree you plan on taking to the early bird special with yours in the comments, below.


Sources: Autoblog, PlugIn Cars.

About the Author

I’ve been in the auto industry 1997, and write for a number of blogs in the IM network. You can also find me on Twitter, at my Volvo fansite, or chasing my kids around Oak Park, IL.

  • Dave

    A troll piece if ever I saw one.

    • That’s Estelle Getty. She didn’t always look like that.

  • helpmejeeebus

    Maybe when writing about the luxury auto market, one should know something about luxury auto manufacturers.

    • If only I’d spent the last 16 years working on Mercedes, Porsches, Ferraris, Moslers, and Lamborghinis! Clown.

  • ed

    I can’t unsee this now. And good point about the chrome.

  • Wallace

    Some of us car guys appreciate a luxury car with a great name like Cadillac. We got some real sleeper Cadillacs on the road, that may seem like normal luxury cars, yet they are packing 556 HP. When you see V at the end of any Cadillac name, do not race for pink slips. I am sure you do not know about this, since you seem to not be very knowledgeable about Cadillacs.

    So what is wrong with an electric Cadillac with all the luxury and soft covered leather interiors?
    Hey, aren’t you the same guy that complained about the Volts interior having hard surfaces? Well here you have it, a nice soft leather everywhere car that you do not need to use gas in. Still complaining?
    You are unnecessarily harsh on American cars, I notice. Are you sure you live in USA? If so, consider another country where you may assimilate better.
    BTW Cadillac making new inventions with the ELR. Look up their suspension. It will make Tesla jealous. The paddle shifters are going to be something every EV driver will want.

    • LOL … you really need to Google people more before you write something like this. That said, I’m not doubting the ELR will be a quality product that addresses many of the Volt’s shortcomings, but the thing about young people wanting one?

      Also: check to see who tends to own those CTS-Vs. The ones we’ve worked on at the shop were all owned by gray haired dudes.

  • Godwinslaw

    I see-so you are saying more expensive cars tend to be bought by older people?! And, you’ve uncovered the heretofore inconceivable notion that older people tend to have more money! Incredible! Consider my mind blown! That you were able to break such virgin ground in a mere eleven paragraphs is even more stunning.
    I bet a sharp guy like you drives a bimmer.

    • I just might, actually! That said, the *point* is that CADILLAC wants this car to attract YOUNG buyers. I’m pointing out how ridiculous that is. Thanks, by the way, for pointing out that it’s mostly older people who will even be able to afford the thing! Nice catch!!

    • EdselFord

      Jo, drives, whatever car needs to parked at the restaurant.

  • shecky vegas

    Jo – It makes me wonder who, exactly, is in the Cadillac marketing department? I’m thinking Shelley Levene from Glengarry Glen Ross.
    “The leads are weak.”

    • OMG. I can see it! I CAN SEE IT!!

  • Rowland Williams

    Howdy, Jo.

    First, I’m 52. Second, I’m partial to American cars.

    I’m not completely disagreeing with you, but I think your assumption that this car is geared for the geriatric set is a bit of a reach. “2 doors, chrome, Volt drive train” don’t strike me as the AARP ride of choice – except for maybe the chrome. Are the older folks one of Cadillac’s markets? Considering they’ve got a history of selling to them, I would hope so. But this car’s design is a reach forward – not the big box or even the Eldorado from their youth. Its power train touches on tomorrow – at least one version of tomorrow or a bridge to it – something my mom really wouldn’t “get.” (Does it take gas? Not really? That’s nice! Do they have something where the seats are up higher? And what if I want to take Doris AND Norma with me? They’ll never get into that back seat!)

    Like I said, I think Caddy is marketing to folks like my mom. But that’s not their sole focus with this car, probably not even half their target market.


    • I don’t know anyone under 40, literally, who DDs a coupe. They’re all second and third cars, or racecars.

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