This is the Hornster. It’s a 178 dB air horn pretending to be a bicycle, and make no mistake: I have never wanted any thing more in my life.
That might not seem like a strong statement, but hear me out – I’m going to let you in on some of personal history that might make you see things my way. Or confirm my own stupidity (always hard to tell).
I, along with some of the smartest guys in the world, spent nearly 15 years working around some of the most exotic machinery in the automotive universe. I’ve driven IMSA racers, World Challenge cars, superkarts, 9 second GTR Nissans and twin-turbo Porsches, all manner of Ferraris, Moslers, 1000 hp Benzes, and more. I have a little secret about those cars, though: they’re boring. Maybe I feel that way because I’m jaded or maybe it’s because I feel perfectly adequate in “the pantaloon regions” of my anatomy or maybe I’m just not afraid of motorcycles (which will eat the average cager’s lunch any day of the week), but regardless of why and how I came to realize this … there is no joy in any of these exotics.
Oh, baby. This is worth getting up for in the morning. And, because it’s human-powered, it is greener than the metric s***ton of cash I would be willing to shell out for my very own!
The Hornster was built by the UK’s Environmental Transport Association (ETA) to highlight the dangers that cyclists face on London’s city roads (cyclists account for nearly half of London’s traffic fatalities, according to the ETA). The biggest problem in London, apparently, is one that many Stateside cyclists are probably aware of. Large cars, vans, and commercial trucks simply don’t know you’re there.
With 178 dB of insanity on tap, the Hornster can emit “a level of sound so powerful that if used in anger it could deafen any motorist who veered too close”.
To give you an idea of how loud the Hornster really is, consider that, from 3 feet away, the Hornster’s trio of Airchime KH3A locomotive air horns are louder a gun blast (about 140 dB), an F14 Tomcat at takeoff (130 dB), a commercial truck horn (110 dB), and rush hour traffic in downtown London (78 dB). If that little bit of self-righteous Mayhem doesn’t give you wood, I’ve got news bad for you, son. You’re dead.
Check out the sexxxy Hornster pics, here …
… and enjoy 40 seconds of crazy, vengeful ear-f***ing in the ETA’s own promotional video, below. And, be honest, don’t you wish this was a DOT project so you could vote for it?
Amen, brothers and sisters. Amen. (INB4 “me so horny” joke)