The United States Post Office is dirty, inefficient, and – after failing to pay back the $12 billion loan it got from the US Gov’t – hemorrhaging cash at an alarming rate. Total collapse (in the form of not being able to pay employees, pay bills, or buy stamps) has been looming for over a year. The solution is obvious: The USPS needs to be shut down.
That obvious (Obvious!) move – which would save taxpayers billions of dollars and help clear the roads of over 200,000 slow moving vehicles travelling millions of miles on routes made redundant by FedEx and UPS – won’t happen this year, though. That’s because 2012 is an election year, and because the United States of America is still a democracy (sort of), and the USPS’ 575,000 career employees are
desperate for help ready to sell. Their. Votes.
Hoping that the USPS’ 575,000 will sell their votes to them, the current members of the US Senate (i.e., the incumbents) offered a lifeline to the nearly bankrupt USPS last week, voting to give the agency $11 billion MORE dollars that they’ll never be able to pay back. The additional funding, which passed the Senate with a 62/37 vote, pushes controversial USPS decisions like cutting jobs, closing 252 post office branches, and ending Saturday deliveries (moves that the USPS estimates would save over $6 billion) past the 2012 campaign.
I know what you’re thinking. “Come on, Jo – don’t you think you’re being too hard on the USPS? I mean, they bring you Netflix – even if you do have to dig that little red envelope out from a pile of unwanted, unrequested, and unread junk mail that strips rain forest and pollutes rivers and lakes yet doesn’t even make for good kindling?”
The USPS’ leadership has actually grown (what I can only assume to be) a set of comically gigantic and incredibly dense metallic testicles (possibly three of them) and actually come out criticizing the $11 billion gimme “loan”, saying it falls far short in stemming financial losses. Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe went on to explain that, even if the new bill does become law, he will have to return to Congress in a few years to get even more money.
I’ve decided that these USPS clowns are actually worse than the evil b****es on “My Super Sweet 16” who complained that their daddys had bought them “the wrong Saab” and thrown ridiculous, hateful hissy-fits on national television over their parents’ (gasp!) dreadful faux-pas.
So, I would like to take this moment to say to the USPS exactly what I would say to one of those useless little see-you-next-Tuesdays: shut the f*** up and be grateful you have anything at all!
Patrick Donahoe, this is you.
Source: Huffington Post.